I hate being jealous, I really do. But Adam is gonna get to spend a fucking hour and a half with Rachel every time he has to drive her to and from this ATC Studios thing in Clifton, which I pathetically did the math, and if he did drive her all 22 days that’d be 33 hours. I don’t even really want him driving her in the first place…but I can’t really do anything about that. I’d fucking kill to be able to get a guaranteed hour and a half everyday with her.
And I’m also jealous because I don’t get to go to TCNJ this year. I loved that summer camp the last two years I went, I really fucking did, and it’s just sinking in that I’m not going this year.
And honestly while I’m at it, I’m jealous people like fucking Alyssa get a brand new car. I’m one of the only kids I know (off the top of my head the ONLY kid I know) who bought his own car with his own money.
At the end of the day, I’m just gonna try and enjoy what I have. I’m just so nervous about Rachel getting driven back and forth everyday. I’m not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, but I get so tense about the possibility that she’ll find other things wrong with me because of Adam and his show that he puts on when he’s with people. I love her more than anything, the thought of someone else having any influence is frightening, and I just wish she TRULY knew that I care about her more than anyone else in the world. :/